on rites of passage
why we need them
Ethnographer Arnold van Gennep first coined the term “rite of passage” in his 1909 book Les Rites de Passage (translated from French as The Rites of Passage). He identified three universal stages in any rite of passage:
Separation – leaving behind the old identity or role.
Liminal (Transition) – the “in-between” phase, where identity is dissolved or tested.
Incorporation (Return) – reentry into society with a new identity or wisdom.
If you look at tribes, cultures, and history you can see “rites of passages” everywhere. And a ton of research and writing exist on it so I will not be trying to replicate that here. Gennep’s formula is encoded into the human imagination across multiple domains - from storytelling, to psychology, religion, sports, etc. In my opinion, the two people most credited with popularizing the “rite of passage” in the modern imagination are:
Joseph Campbell (1949, The Hero with a Thousand Faces). He built on van Gennep’s work, showing that every mythic hero follows this same psychological arc. For example: In The Lion King, Simba flees home (Separation), faces his shame and learns from Rafiki in exile (Liminal), then returns to Pride Rock to restore balance (Incorporation).
Carl Jung (1875-1961) described individuation as the lifelong process of becoming one’s true, integrated Self — uniting the conscious and unconscious parts of the psyche. His stages map almost exactly onto van Gennep’s and Campbell’s structures.
When you think about it, one of the reasons we don’t mature very well, is because we don’t have a good container or structure for the liminal spaces in life. Men especially, who have a very externalizing life-gaze (e.g. work, career, independence vs relationships, etc.) and do not have biological events as rites of passage (e.g. pregnancy, fertility onset, menopause, etc.) crave and need rites of passages. Of course women need them as well, it’s just worth noting that men do not undergo any biological events that delineate the transition from childhood to manhood. When societies lose rites of passage, individuals often create them unconsciously . . . one way of looking at addiction, midlife crises, burnout, affairs, etc. is through the lens of attempts to initiate oneself without structure, witness or meaning. In other words, they are faulty attempts to separate (from an identity), cross a threshold (e.g., developmental, psychological, spiritual, etc.) or return (shortcut transformation) in some way. Technically, rites of passage don’t disappear, they mutate. One good example of a faulty rite of passage (ROP) is a gang. Or perhaps the girls in the movie Mean Girls. (I say this somewhat tongue in cheek, but it is interesting to note how a faulty youthful ROP can look in its extreme like a gang or the everyday variety of a group of boys or girls hazing/being cruel. It’s a shared bonding experience to “separate” themselves from whatever kid(s) are “other”). In the words of scholar Michael Meade: “If culture will not initiate the young, they will burn down the village to feel.” ROPs happen . . . with or without our intentionality.
A few more faulty ROPs there (Author Robert Bly calls them “false initiations”) . . . perhaps maybe everyone has a subjective faulty ROP they have tried before that only they know:
The promotion for the high performer who overworks only to realize they have not become anyone different - just given more of their life away.
The 70 year old who retires and arrives there with a general disposition of entitlement at a stage when they should be focused on generativity; hence the “no elders” thing.
Speaking from experience here: the person who becomes a parent, only to discover they are not the parent they thought they would be. They are forced to face the illusion of their own self-image.
The late psychologist James Hillman says it like this: “The neglected ritual becomes neurosis.” Perhaps evidence of a faulty ROP is that it creates a shadow/fake/idolatrous/maladaptive version instead of the real thing. In a neurotic, anxious culture that fears liminality, values achievement over progress, lacks intentional elders, is in a constant state of change, and has become post-institutionalized (fragmentation of social structures like religion) . . . rites of passage have once again come into the limelight as perhaps a way forward, but we are unsure how. Instead we confuse achievement with initiation: career milestones, graduations, retirement, weddings — these can be performative rites rather than transformative ones. And honestly, they are êasier. It’s easier to outsource someone’s becoming when we have no idea what it means to become a mature _______ either. But when we do this, the ROP becomes predicated on something cultural and transient; they mark status change, not inner metamorphosis. Without the inner work of letting go, facing fear, and integrating the new, they remain surface events. I think a lot more conversation is needed here, but here are 5 reasons why we need ROPs:
1. They Turn Change Into Transformation
Change happens automatically — we age, lose, succeed, fail. But transformation — becoming someone new because of that change — requires structure, meaning, and witness. Rites of passage ritualize this: they give form to chaos. They help us consciously release the old and embody the new.
2. They Provide Meaning and Orientation
Rites answer the questions:
Where am I in the story of my life?
What am I being asked to leave behind?
What am I moving toward?
Without them, people feel untethered — as if life is one continuous blur of tasks without symbolic punctuation.
3. They Build Identity and Maturity
Traditional rites don’t just celebrate growth — they create it. They demand sacrifice, endurance, humility, reflection. The initiate learns, “I am capable. I can bear the unknown.” This is how individuals gain depth and self-respect — and how communities recognize and affirm those changes.
4. They Strengthen Community and Belonging
Rites are never just personal. They are public acknowledgments that say: “We see you. You have changed. You belong with us in a new way now.” In tribal or traditional cultures, rites ensure every person knows their role, responsibilities, and connection to something larger. They bind generations — the elders guide, the initiates learn, the community witnesses.
5. They Help Us Face Death (and All Little Deaths)
Every true rite involves symbolic death — of childhood, ego, illusion, or former status.
We need ritual space to rehearse dying and being reborn, or else we resist growth and cling to what must pass. In this way, rites teach us to live and die consciously — to embrace impermanence. I have been reading Ernest Becker’s Denial of Death (which I highly recommend) - and this is one practical take away for me from the book.
As I continue creating my own mid-life rite of passage using The Preparation to give it structure/form, I am figuring out ways share with my community and looking for elders. More on that at some point.